Board Thread:Watercooler/@comment-27047700-20170508225247/@comment-28442840-20171219014736

Banned for not memorising the following:

All right, everyone!

This is a stickup!

Don't anybody move!

Now empty that safe.

- Money, money, money!

- Stop it! Stop it,

you mean old potato.

Quiet, Bo Peep,

or your sheep get run over!

Help! Baa! Help us!

Oh, no, not my sheep!

Somebody, do something!

Reach for the sky.

Oh, no! Sheriff Woody!

I'm here to stop you,

One-Eyed Bart.

- How'd you know it was me?

- Are you gonna come quietly?

You can't touch me, Sheriff.

I brought my attack dog

with the built-in force field.

Well, I brought my dinosaur

who eats force-field dogs.

You're going to jail, Bart.

Say good-bye to the wife

and tater tots.

You saved the day again, Woody.

You're my favorite deputy.

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

Come on, let's wrangle up

the cattle.

When the road looks

rough ahead

And you're miles and miles

from your nice, warm bed

- Round 'em up, cowboy.

- Just remember

what your old pal said

- Boy, you've got

a friend in me

- Yee-haw!

- Yeah, you've got

a friend in me

- Hey, cowboy!

Some other folks might be

a little bit smarter than I am

Big and stronger too

- Come on, Woody.

- Maybe

But none of them will ever

love you the way I do

It's me and you, boy

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see

it's our destiny

- You've got a friend in me

- All right!

- Yeah, you've got

a friend in me

- Score!

- You've got a friend in me

- Wow! Cool!

- What do you think?

- Oh, this looks great, Mom!

- Okay, birthday boy.

- We saw that at the store!

I asked you for it!

- I hope I have enough places.

- Wow, look at that! That's so--

Oh, my gosh, you got--

One, two-- four. Yeah, I think

that's going to be enough.

- Can we leave this up

'til we move?

- Well, sure.

- We can leave it up.

- Yeah!

- Now go get Molly.

- Your friends are going

to be here any minute.

- Okay!

It's party time, Woody.

Yee-haw!

Howdy, little lady.

Somebody's poisoned

the water hole.

Come on, Molly.

Oh, you're getting heavy.

See you later, Woody!

Pull my string!

The birthday party's today?

Okay, everybody,

coast is clear!

Ages three and up.

It's on my box.

"Ages three and up."

I'm not supposed to be

baby-sitting Princess Drool.

Hey, Hamm, look.

I'm Picasso!

- I don't get it.

- You uncultured swine.

What are you looking at,

ya hockey puck?

- Uh, hey, Sarge,

have you seen Slinky?

- Sir! No, sir!

Okay. Hey, thank you.

At ease.

- Hey, uh, Slinky?

- Right here, Woody.

I-I'm red this time.

- No, S-Slink--

- Oh, well, all right.

You can be red if you want.

N-Not now, Slink.

I got some bad news.

- Bad news?

- Shh, shh, shh!

- Just gather everyone up for a

staff meeting, and be happy.

- Got it.

Be happy!

Staff meeting, everybody!

Snake, Robot, podium, please.

Hey, Etch. Draw!

Oh! Got me again.

Etch, you've been

working on that draw.

Fastest knobs in the West.

Uh, got a staff meeting,

you guys. Come on, let's go.

Now, where is that-- Oh.

Hey, who moved my doodle pad

way over here?

- Uh, how're you doin', Rex?

- Were you scared?

Tell me honestly.

I was close to being scared

that time.

Oh, I'm going for fearsome here,

but I just don't feel it!

I think I'm just

coming off as annoying.

Ow! Oh, hi, Bo. Hi.

I wanted to thank you, Woody,

for saving my flock.

Oh, hey, it was, uh, nothin'.

What do you say I get

someone else to watch

the sheep tonight?

Oh, yeah. I--

Remember, I'm just

a couple of blocks away.

Come on, come on.

Smaller toys up front.

Hey, Woody, come on.

Oh, thanks, Mike.

Okay-- Oh, whoa.

Step back.

- For crying out loud.

- Okay. Thank you.

Hello. Check.

That better? Great.

Everybody hear me?

Up on the shelf,

can you hear me? Great.

Okay, first item today:

uh, oh, yeah--

has everyone picked

a moving buddy?

- What?

- Moving buddy?

You can't be serious.

Well, I didn't know we were

supposed to have one already.

- Do we have to hold hands?

- Oh, yeah. You guys think

this is a big joke.

We've only got one week left

before the move. I don't want

any toys left behind.

A moving buddy.

If you don't have one,

get one!

All right, next.

Uh, oh, yes.

Tuesday night's plastic

corrosion awareness meeting...

was, I think,

a big success,

and we want to thank Mr. Spell

for putting that on for us.

- Thank you, Mr. Spell.

- You're welcome.

Okay. Uh, oh, yes.

One, uh, minor note here.

Andy's birthday party

has been moved to today.

- Uh, next we have--

- Wait a minute.

- What do you mean

the party's today?

- His birthday's not

'til next week!

- What's goin' on down there?

-Is his mom losin' her marbles?

-Well, obviously, she wanted to

have the party before the move.

- I'm not worried.

You shouldn't be worried.

- Of course Woody ain't worried.

-He's been Andy's favorite

since kindergarten.

-Hey, hey. Come on, Potato Head.

If Woody says it's all right,

then, well, darn it,

it's good enough for me.

Woody has never

steered us wrong before.

Come on, guys.

Every Christmas and birthday

we go through this.

But what if Andy gets

another dinosaur, a mean one?

I just don't think I could take

that kind of rejection!

Hey, listen.

No one's getting replaced.

This is Andy

we're talking about.

It doesn't matter how much

we're played with.

What matters is that we're here

for Andy when he needs us.

That's what we're

made for, right?

Pardon me. I hate to

break up the staff meeting,

but they're here!

- Birthday guests

at three o'clock!

- Stay calm, everyone!

Hey!

- Uh, meeting adjourned.

- Ho, boy, will you take a look

at all those presents?

I can't see a thing.

Yes, sir. We're next month's

garage sale fodder for sure.

- Any dinosaur-shaped ones?

- Oh, for crying out loud.

- They're all in boxes,

you idiot.

- They're getting bigger!

- Wait, there's a nice

little one over there.

- Hi!

- Spell: trash can.

- We're doomed!

All right. All right!

If I send out the troops,

will you all calm down?

- Yes! Yes! We promise!

- Okay! Save your batteries.

Eh, very good, Woody.

That's using the old noodle.

Sergeant, establish a recon post

downstairs. Code Red!

- You know what to do.

- Yes, sir!

All right, men.

You heard him.

Code Red!

Repeat: we are at Code Red.

Recon plan Charlie. Execute!

Let's move, move,

move, move, move!

Okay. Come on, kids. Everyone

in the living room. It's almost

time for the presents.

All right, gangway, gangway.

And this is how we find out...

what is in those presents.

Okay! Who's hungry?

Here come the chips!

I've got Cool Ranch

and barbecue! Ow!

What in the world? Oh!

I thought I told him

to pick these up.

Shouldn't they be there by now?

What's taking them so long?

Hey, these guys

are professionals.

They're the best.

Come on. They're not

lying down on the job.

- G-Go on without me. Just go.

- A good soldier never leaves

a man behind.

Okay, everybody.

Come on.

Settle down. Now, kids.

Everybody-- You sit in a circle.

No, Andy. Andy, you sit

in the middle there.

Good. And which present

are you gonna open first?

There they are.

- Come in, Mother Bird.

This is Alpha Bravo.

- This is it! This is it!

- Come in, Mother Bird.

- Quiet, quiet, quiet!

- All right, Andy's opening

the first present now.

Mrs. Potato Head!

Mrs. Potato Head!

Mrs. Potato Head!

- Hey, I can dream, can't I?

- The bow's coming off.

He's ripping the wrapping paper.

It's a-- It's-- It's a--

A lunch box.

We've got a lunch box here.

- A lunch box?

- A lunch box?

- For lunch.

Okay, second present.

It appears to be--

- Okay, it's bed sheets.

- Who invited that kid?

Oh! Only one left.

- Okay, we're on

the last present now.

- Last present!

It's a big one. It's a--

It's a board game!

Repeat: Battleship.

- Yay!

- Hallelujah!

- Yeah, all right.

- Hey! Watch it!

- Sorry there, old spud head.

Mission accomplished.

Well done, men. Pack it up.

We're goin' home.

So did I tell you? Huh?

Nothin' to worry about.

I knew you were right

all along, Woody. Never

doubted you for a second.

Wait a minute.

Oh, what do we have here?

Ohh!

Wait!

Turn that thing back on!

Come in, Mother Bird.

Come in, Mother Bird.

Mom has pulled a surprise

present from the closet.

Andy's opening it.

He's really excited

about this one.

- Mom! What is it?

- It's a huge package.

Oh, get outta the--

One of the kids is in the way.

I can't see.

It's a--

It's a what?

What is it?

- Oh, no!

- Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll

never know what it is!

- Way to go, Rex!

- No, no! Turn 'em around!

Turn 'em around!

Oh, he's puttin' 'em in

backwards. You're-- You're

puttin' 'em in backwards!

Plus is positive,

minus is negative!

Oh, let me!

Let's go to my room, guys!

Red alert! Red alert!

Andy is coming upstairs!

- There!

- Juvenile intrusion. Repeat,

resume your positions now!

Andy's coming, everybody!

Back to your places! Hurry!

Get to your places!

Get to your places!

Where's my ear?

Who's seen my ear?

Did you see my ear?

Out of my way!

Here I come!

Here I come! Ohh!

Hey, look!

Its lasers light up.

- Take that, Zurg!

- Quick, make a space. This is

where the spaceship lands.

And he does it back, and he does

a karate-chop action.

Come on down, guys!

It's time for games!

- We got prizes!

- Oh, yeah!

- What is it?

- Can you see it?

- What the heck is up there?

Woody, who's up there

with ya?

Woody, what are you

doing under the bed?

Uh, nothin'. Uh, nothin'.

I'm sure Andy was just a

little excited, that's all.

Too much cake and ice cream,

I suppose. It's just a mistake!

Well, that mistake is sitting

in your spot, Woody.

- Oh! Have you been replaced?

- Hey, what did I

tell you earlier?

No one is getting replaced.

Now, let's all be polite

and give whatever it is

up there...

a nice, big

Andy's-room welcome.

Buzz Lightyear to Star Command.

Come in, Star Command.

Star Command, come in.

Do you read me?

Why don't they answer?

My ship!

Blast! This'll take

weeks to repair.

Buzz Lightyear mission log,

stardate 4-0-7-2.

My ship has run off course

en route to sector 12.

I've crash-landed

on a strange planet.

The impact must've awoken me

from hypersleep.

Terrain seems

a bit unstable.

No readout yet

if the air is breathable.

- And there seems to be no sign

of intelligent life anywhere.

- Hello!

Whoa! He-Hey! Whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Did I frighten you?

Didn't mean to. Sorry.

Howdy. My name is Woody...

and this is Andy's room.

That's all I wanted to say.

And also, there has been

a bit of a mix-up.

This is my spot, see--

the bed here.

Local law enforcement.

It's about time you got here.

I'm Buzz Lightyear,

Space Ranger,

Universe Protection Unit.

My ship has crash-landed

here by mistake.

Yes, it is a mistake,

because, you see,

the bed here is my spot.

I need to repair

my turbo boosters.

Do you people still use

fossil fuels, or have you

discovered crystallic fusion?

Well, let's see.

We got double-A's.

- Watch yourself!

Halt! Who goes there?

- Don't shoot!

- It's okay. Friends.

- Do you know these life-forms?

Yes. They're Andy's toys.

All right, everyone.

You're clear to come out.

I am Buzz Lightyear.

I come in peace.

Oh, I'm so glad

you're not a dinosaur!

All right, thank you.

Now, thank you all

for your kind welcome.

- Say, what's that button do?

- I'll show you.

- Buzz Lightyear to the rescue.

- Whoa!

- Man!

Hey, Woody's got something

like that. His is a pull string,

only it's--

- Only it sounds like

a car ran over it.

- Oh, yeah, but not

like this one.

This is a quality sound system.

Probably all copper wiring, huh?

So, uh, where you from?

Singapore? Hong Kong?

Well, no. Actually, I-I'm--

I'm stationed up in the Gamma

Quadrant of Sector Four.

As a member of the elite

Universe Protection Unit

of the Space Ranger Corps,

I protect the galaxy

from the threat of invasion...

from the evil Emperor Zurg,

sworn enemy of

the Galactic Alliance.

Oh, really?

I'm from Playskool.

And I'm from Mattel.

Well, I'm not really

from Mattel.

I'm actually from a smaller

company that was purchased

in a leveraged buyout.

You'd think they'd never

seen a new toy before.

Well, sure, look at him.

He's got more gadgets on him

than a Swiss Army knife.

Ah, ah, ah, ah! Please be

careful. You don't want to be in

the way when my laser goes off.

Hey, a laser!

How come you don't have

a laser, Woody?

It's not a laser. It's a--

It's a little light bulb

that blinks.

- What's with him?

- Laser envy.

- All right, that's enough!

Look, we're all very impressed

with Andy's new toy.

- Toy?

- T-O-Y. Toy!

Excuse me. I-I think

the word you're searching for

is "Space Ranger."

The word I'm searching for

I can't say because there's

preschool toys present.

Gettin' kind of tense,

aren't ya?

Oh, uh, Mr. Lightyear,

uh, now, I'm curious.

What does a Space Ranger

actually do?

He's not a Space Ranger!

He doesn't fight evil or--

or shoot lasers or fly!

Excuse me.

- Wow!

- Oh, impressive wingspan.

Very good!

Oh, what? What?

These are plastic.

He can't fly.

They are a terillium-carbonic

alloy, and Ican fly.

- No, you can't.

- Yes, I can.

- You can't.

- Can.

- Can't. Can't. Can't!

I tell you, I could fly around

this room with my eyes closed!

Okay, then, Mr. Light Beer,

prove it.

All right, then, I will.

Stand back, everyone.

To infinity and beyond!

- Can!

- Whoa!

Oh, wow! You flew

magnificently!

- I found my movin' buddy.

- Thank you. Th-Thank you all.

Thank you.

That wasn't flying.

That was falling with style.

Man, the dolls

must really go for you.

Can you teach me that?

- Golly bob howdy!

- Oh, shut up!

No, in a couple of days,

everything will be just the way

it was. They'll see.

They'll see. I'm still

Andy's favorite toy.

I was on top of the world

livin' high

- It was right in my pocket

- Whoa!

I was livin' the life

Things were just the way

they should be

When from out of the sky

like a bomb

Comes some little punk

in a rocket

Now all of a sudden

some strange things

are happening to me

Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!

Strange things

Are happening to me

Strange things

Strange things

Are happening to me

Ain't no doubt about it

I had friends

I had lots of friends

Now all my friends are gone

And I'm doin' the best I can

To carry on

- I had power

- Power

- I was respected

- Respected

But not anymore

And I've lost the love

of the one

Whom I adore

Let me tell you 'bout it

Strange things

Are happening to me

Strange things

Strange things

Are happening to me

Ain't no doubt about it

Strange things

Strange things

Oh! Finally.

- Hey, who's got my hat?

- Look, I'm Woody.

Howdy, howdy, howdy.

Ah-ha. Ah-ha!

Give me that!

Say there, Lizard

and Stretchy Dog,

let me show you something.

It looks as though I've been

accepted into your culture.

Your chief Andy

inscribed his name on me.

Wow! With permanent ink too!

Well, I must get back

to repairing my ship.

- Don't let it

get to you, Woody.

- Uh, let what?

I don't, uh--

What do you mean? Who?

I know Andy's excited

about Buzz,

but you know he'll always have

a special place for you.

- Yeah, like the attic.

- All right! That's it!

- Unidirectional bonding strip.

- Mr. Lightyear wants more tape.

Listen, Light Snack,

you stay away from Andy.

He's mine, and no one

is taking him away from me.

What are you talking about?

Where's that bonding strip?

And another thing: stop

with this spaceman thing!

It's getting on my nerves!

Are you saying you want to

lodge a complaint

with Star Command?

Oh-ho-ho! Okay!

Ooh, well, so you wanna

do it the hard way, huh?

- Don't even think

about it, cowboy.

- Oh, yeah, tough guy?

The air isn't toxic.

How dare you open a spaceman's

helmet on an uncharted planet!

My eyeballs could've been

sucked from their sockets.

You actually think

you'rethe Buzz Lightyear?

Oh, all this time

I thought it was an act!

Hey, guys, look!

It's the real Buzz Lightyear!

-You're mocking me, aren't you?

-Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

- Buzz, look! An alien!

- Where?

Yes!

Whoa!

- Uh-oh.

- It's Sid!

- Don't move!

- I thought he was

at summer camp.

- They, uh, must have kicked him

out early this year.

- Oh, no, not Sid!

Incoming!

- Who is it this time?

- Uh, I can't-- I can't tell.

- Hey, where's Lenny?

- Right here, Woody.

Oh, no, I can't bear

to watch one of these again.

- Stay where you are!

- Oh, no, it's a Combat Carl.

- What's going on?

- Nothing that concerns

you spacemen; just us toys.

I'd better take a look

anyway.

Why is that soldier strapped

to an explosive device?

That's why-- Sid.

- Hmm, sure is a hairy fellow.

- No, no, that's Scud,

you idiot.

That is Sid.

- You mean that happy child?

- That ain't no happy child.

He tortures toys,

just for fun!

Well, then, we've

got to do something.

- What are you doing?

Get down from there!

- I'm gonna teach

that boy a lesson.

Yeah, sure. You go ahead.

Melt him with your scary laser.

Be careful with that.

It's extremely dangerous.

He's lighting it!

He's lighting it!

Hit the dirt!

Look out!

Yes! He's gone!

He's history!

I could've stopped him.

Buzz, I would love

to see you try.

- Of course, I'd love

to see you as a crater.

- Yeah!

- The sooner we move,

the better.

- Oh, what a great shot. Yeah!

To infinity and beyond!

Oh, all this packing makes me

hungry. What would you say to

dinner at, uh, oh, Pizza Planet?

Pizza Planet? Oh, cool!

Go wash your hands,

and I'll get Molly ready.

- Can I bring some toys?

- You can bring one toy.

- Just one?

- One toy?

Will Andy pick me?

"Don't count on it"?

Ohh!

Buzz! Oh, Buzz!

Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness!

We've got trouble!

- Trouble? Where?

- Down there. Just down there.

A helpless toy!

It's-- It's trapped, Buzz!

Then we've no time to lose.

- I don't see anything.

- Uh, he's there. Just--

Just keep looking.

What kind of toy--

- Buzz!

- Buzz!

- Buzz!

- I don't see him

in the driveway.

- Did you see what happened?

- I think he bounced

into Sid's yard!

- Ohh! Buzz!

Hey, everyone!

R.C.'s trying to say something.

What is it, boy?

- He's saying that this

was no accident.

- Huh?

- What do you mean?

- I mean Humpty-Dumpty

was pushed.

- No!

- By Woody!

- What?

- What?

Wait a minute. You-- You don't

think I meant to knock Buzz out

the window, do you? Potato Head?

That's Mr. Potato Head to you,

you back-stabbin' murderer!

Now, it was an accident,

guys. Come on.

Now, you-- you gotta

believe me.

We believe ya, Woody.

Right, Rex?

Well, ye-- n--

I don't like confrontations.

Where is your honor, dirt bag?

You are an absolute disgrace!

You don't deserve to-- Hey!

You couldn't handle Buzz

cuttin' in on your playtime,

could you, Woody?

Didn't wanna face the fact

that Buzz just might be

Andy's new favorite toy.

So you got rid of him. Well,

what if Andy starts playing

with me more, Woody, huh?

You're gonna knock me out

of the window too?

- I don't think we should

give him the chance.

- There he is, men.

- Frag him!

- Let's string him up

by his pull string!

- I've got dibs on his hat!

- Would you boys stop it?

- Tackle him!

- No, no, no! W-W-Wait!

- Boys, stop it!

- I can explain everything.

- Okay, Mom, be right down.

- I've gotta get Buzz.

- Retreat!

-Mom, do you know where Buzz is?

-No, I haven't seen him.

-Psst!

Andy, I'm heading

out the door!

- But, Mom, I can't find him!

- Honey, just grab some

other toy. Now, come on.

Okay.

I couldn't find my Buzz.

I know I left him right there.

Honey, I'm sure he's around.

You'll find him.

It's too short!

We need more monkeys!

There aren't any more!

That's the whole barrel!

Buzz, the monkeys

aren't working.

We're formulating

another plan!

Stay calm!

Oh, where could he be?

- Can I help pump the gas?

- Sure! I'll even let you drive.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, when you're 16.

Yuk, yuk, yuk.

Funny, Mom.

Oh, great. How am I

gonna convince those guys

it was an accident?

Buzz!

Buzz! Hah! You're alive!

This is great!

Oh, I'm saved! I'm saved!

Andy will find you here.

He'll take us back

to the room, and then you

can tell everyone...

that this was all

just a big mistake.

Huh? Right? Buddy?

I just want you to know

that even though you tried

to terminate me,

revenge is not an idea

we promote on my planet.

- Oh. Oh, that's good.

- But we're not on my planet.

- Are we?

- No.

Okay. Come on!

You want a piece of me?

- Ow!

- Buzz-- Buzz-- Buzz

Lightyear to the rescue.

- Ah-ow!

- Next stop--

- Pizza Planet. Yeah!

Andy!

Wh-- Doesn't he realize

that I'm not there?

I'm lost!

Oh, I'm a lost toy!

Buzz Lightyear mission log.

The local sheriff and I seem

to be at a huge refueling

station of some sort.

You!

- According to my

navi-computer, the--

- Shut up!

- Just shut up, you idiot!

- Sheriff, this is

no time to panic.

This is the perfect time

to panic! I'm lost!

Andy is gone!

They're gonna move from

their house in two days,

and it's all your fault!

My-- My fault?

If you hadn't pushed me out of

the window in the first place--

Oh, yeah? Well, if you hadn't

shown up in your stupid little

cardboard spaceship...

and taken away everything

that was important to me--

Don't talk to me

about importance.

Because of you,

the security of this entire

universe is in jeopardy!

What? What are you

talking about?

Right now, poised at the edge

of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has

been secretly building...

a weapon with the

destructive capacity to

annihilate an entire planet!

I alone have information

that reveals this weapon's

only weakness.

And you, my friend, are

responsible for delaying my

rendezvous with Star Command!

You are a toy!

You aren't the real

Buzz Lightyear! You're a--

Uh, you're an action figure!

You are a child's

plaything!

You are a sad, strange

little man, and you have

my pity. Farewell.

Oh, yeah? Well,

good riddance, ya loony.

"Rendezvous with Star Command."

- Hey, gas dude!

- You talking to me?

- Yeah, man.

- Pizza Planet?

- Can you help me?

- Do you know where

Cutting Boulevard is?

- Andy!

- Just a moment.

- Oh, no!

I can't show my face

in that room without Buzz.

- Buzz! Buzz, come back!

- Go away.

No, Buzz, you gotta

come back! I--

I found a spaceship!

It's a spaceship, Buzz.

Come on, man, hurry up!

Um, like, the pizzas

are getting cold here.

- Oh, yeah, Cutting Boulevard.

- Yeah, yeah. Which way?

Now, you're sure this space

freighter will return...

to its port of origin once

it jettisons its food supply?

Uh-huh. And when we

get there,

we'll be able to find a way

to transport you home.

-Well, then, let's climb aboard.

-No, no, no, wait! Buzz! Buzz!

Let's get in the back.

No one will see us there.

Negative. There are no

restraining harnesses

in the cargo area.

- We'll be much safer

in the cockpit.

- Yeah, but--

- Buzz! Buzz!

- That's two lefts

and a right, huh?

- Yeah.

- Uh, thanks for the

directions, okay?

- Yeah, remember, kid--

- Buzz!

"It's safer in the cockpit

than the cargo bay."

What an idiot.

Next shuttle liftoff

scheduled for T-minus

30 minutes and counting.

You are cleared to enter.

Welcome to Pizza Planet.

- The white zone

is for eating pizza--

- Sheriff!

Sheriff? There you are.

Now, the entrance

is heavily guarded.

We need a way to get inside.

Great idea, Woody.

I like your thinkin'.

You are cleared to enter.

- Welcome to Pizza Planet.

- Now!

Quickly, Sheriff!

The air lock is closing.

Jones, party of five,

your shuttle is now boarding--

Mom, can we have

some tokens?

- Ow! Watch where

you're going!

- Sorry!

Nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three,

two, one.

What a spaceport!

Good work, Woody.

- Mom, can I play Black Hole?

Please, please, please!

- Andy!

- Oh, it's so cool!

- Now, we need to find a ship

that's headed for Sector 12.

Wait a minute. No, no, no, Buzz.

This way! There's a special

ship. I just saw it.

You mean it has hyperdrive?

Hyperactive hyperdrive

and Astro, uh, turf!

- Where is it?

I-I don't see the--

- Come on. That's it.

Spaceship!

All right, Buzz,

get ready. And--

-Until the universe explodes!

-Okay, Buzz, when I say go,

we're gonna jump in the basket.

Buzz!

- Hey, Mom, if I eat

all of my pizza,

- No!

- can I have some alien slime?

This cannot be

happening to me!

- A stranger.

- From the outside.

- Ooh!

Greetings.

I am Buzz Lightyear.

-I come in peace.

-Tell me what it's like outside.

Before your space journey,

re-energize yourself with

a slice of pepperoni,

now boarding at counter three.

This is an intergalactic

emergency. I need to commandeer

your vessel to Sector 12.

Who's in charge here?

The claw!

- The claw is our master.

- The claw chooses who will go

and who will stay.

- This is ludicrous.

- Hey, bozo, you got

a brain in there?

Take that!

Oh, no! Sid!

Get down!

- What's gotten into you,

Sheriff? I wa--

- You are the one...

- that decided to

climb into this--

- Shh! The claw.

It moves.

I have been chosen!

Farewell, my friends.

I go on to a better place.

Gotcha!

A Buzz Lightyear?

No way!

- Yes!

- Buzz! No!

Hey!

- He has been chosen.

- He must go.

- Hey!

- You might anger the claw.

- What are you doing? Stop it!

- The claw! The claw!

- Stop it, you zealots!

- Do not fight the claw.

All right!

Double prizes!

Let's go home and play.

Sheriff, I can see

your dwelling from here.

You're almost home.

Nirvana is coming.

The mystic portal awaits.

Will you be quiet?

You guys don't get it, do you?

Once we go into Sid's house,

we won't be coming out!

Whoa, Scud! Hey, boy!

Sit! Good boy.

- Hey, I got something

for you, boy.

- Freeze!

Ready, set, now!

Hannah! Hey, Hannah!

- What?

- Did I get my package

in the mail?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean,

you don't know?

I don't know.

- Oh, no, Hannah!

- What?

- Look-- Janie!

- Hey!

- She's sick!

- No, she's not!

- I'll have to perform

one of my operations.

- No!

- Not Sid's room.

Not there.

- No!

Sid, give her back!

Sid!

- Oh, no!

- Mom!

- We have a sick

patient here, Nurse.

Prepare the O.R., stat!

Patient is prepped.

No one's ever attempted

a double bypass...

brain transplant before.

Now for the tricky part.

Pliers!

I don't believe that man's

ever been to medical school.

Doctor, you've done it!

Hannah!

Janie's all better now.

- Mom! Mom!

- She's lying!

Whatever she says,

it's not true!

We are gonna die.

I'm outta here!

Locked!

There's gotta be

another way outta here.

Uh, Buzz, was that you?

Hey, hi there,

little fella.

Come out here.

Do you know a way outta here?

Bu-Bu-Bu-Buzz!

They're cannibals.

Mayday, mayday.

Come in, Star Command.

Send reinforcements.

Star Command, do you copy?

I've set my laser

from stun to kill.

Ah, great, great.

Yeah, and if anyone attacks us,

we can blink 'em to death.

Hey, you guys, I think

I found him. Buzz, is that you?

Whiskers, will you

get out of here!

You're interfering

with a search and rescue!

Look! They're home.

- Mom, have you seen Woody?

- Where was the last place

you left him?

- Right here in the van.

- I'm sure he's there.

You're just not looking

hard enough.

He's not here, Mom.

Woody's gone!

- Woody's gone?

- Yeah, boy,

the weasel ran away.

Huh? Huh?

I told you he was guilty.

Who would've thought he was

capable of such atrocities?

Oh, Slink,

I hope he's okay.

Oh, a survivor!

Where's the rebel base?

Talk!

I can see your will

is strong.

Well, we have ways

of making you talk.

Where are your

rebel friends now?

- Sid, your Pop Tarts

are ready!

- All right!

Are you all right?

I'm proud of you, Sheriff.

A lesser man would've

talked under such torture.

I sure hope this

isn't permanent.

Still no word from Star Command.

We're not that far

from the spaceport.

The door. It's open!

We're free!

- Woody, we don't know

what's out there!

- I'll tell you wha--

They're gonna eat us, Buzz!

Do something, quick!

Shield your eyes!

It's not working.

I recharged it before I left.

I-It should be good for--

You idiot, you're a toy!

Use your karate-chop action!

- Get away!

- Hey! Hey! How're you

doin' that? Stop that!

- Back! Back,

you savages! Back!

- Woody, stop it.

Sorry, guys,

but dinner's cancelled.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home!

Another stunt like that, cowboy,

and you're gonna get us killed.

- Don't tell me what to do.

- Shh!

Yee-haw! Giddyap, partner!

We got to get this

wagon train a-movin'!

Split up!

Calling Buzz Lightyear.

Come in, Buzz Lightyear.

This is Star Command.

- Buzz Lightyear,

- Star Command!

- do you read me?

Buzz Lightyear responding.

Read you loud and clear.

Buzz Lightyear,

planet Earth needs your help!

- On the way!

- Buzz Lightyear!

The world's greatest superhero,

now the world's greatest toy!

Buzz has it all!

Locking wrist communicator!

- Calling Buzz Lightyear!

- Karate-chop action!

- Wow!

- Pulsating laser light!

- Total annihilation!

- Multi-phrase voice simulator!

There's a secret mission

in uncharted space.

There's a secret mission

in uncharted space.

And best of all,

high pressure space wings!

- To infinity and beyond!

- Not a flying toy.

Get your Buzz Lightyear

action figure and save

a galaxy near you!

-Buzz Lightyear!

-Available at all Al's Toy Barn

outlets in the Tri-county area.

Out among the stars I sit

Way beyond the moon

In my silver ship I sail

To a dream

that ended too soon

Now I know

Exactly who I am

and what I'm here for

You are a toy!

You can't fly!

And I will go sailing

No more

But no, it can't be true

I could fly if I wanted to

Like a bird in the sky

If I believed I could fly

Why, I'd fly

To infinity and beyond!

Clearly I

Will go sailing

No more

Mom! Mom, have you seen

my Sally doll?

What, dear?

What was that?

Never mind!

Buzz, the coast is clear.

Buzz, where are you?

There's a secret mission

in uncharted space. Let's go.

Really? That is

so interesting.

Would you like some tea,

Mrs. Nesbitt?

- Buzz!

- It's so nice you could join us

on such late notice.

- Oh, no.

- What a lovely hat,

Mrs. Nesbitt.

It goes quite well

with your head.

Hannah! Oh, Hannah!

Mom? Please excuse me, ladies.

I'll be right back.

What is it, Mom?

Mom, where are you?

Buzz! Hey! Buzz, are you okay?

Gone! It's all gone.

All of it's gone.

Bye-bye. Whoo-whoo. See ya.

- What happened to you?

- One minute you're defending

the whole galaxy,

and suddenly you find yourself

suckin' down Darjeeling...

with Marie Antoinette

and her little sister.

I think you've had enough tea

for today.

- Let's get you

outta here, Buzz.

- Don't you get it?

You see the hat?

I am Mrs. Nesbitt!

Snap out of it, Buzz!

I-I-I'm-- I'm sorry, I--

You're right.

I am just a little depressed,

that's all. I--

I-I can get through this.

- Oh, I'm a sham!

- Shh!

- Look at me.

- Quiet, Buzz!

I can't even fly out

of a window.

But the hat looked good?

Tell me the hat looked good.

- The apron is a bit much.

- Out the window!

Buzz, you're a genius!

Come on, come on. This way.

Years of academy training

wasted!

- B-3.

- Miss! G-6.

Ohh! You sunk it!

- Are you peeking?

- Oh, quit your whining

and pay up.

No, no, not the ear.

Give me the nose. Come on.

How about three out of five?

Hey, guys! Guys!

- Hey!

- Son of a building block!

- It's Woody.

- He's in the psycho's bedroom.

- H-H-Hi!

- Everyone! It's Woody!

- Woody?

- You're kidding!

- Woody!

We're gonna get out

of here, Buzz.

Buzz?

- Hey, look!

- Woody!

Oh, boy, am I glad

to see you guys!

- I knew you'd come back, Woody!

- What are you doin' over there?

It's a long story, Bo.

I'll explain later.

Here! Catch this!

Whoa! I got it, Woody!

- He got it, Woody!

- Good goin', Slink!

- Now just, just

tie it on to somethin'.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- I got a better idea.

How about we don't?

- Hey!

- Potato Head!

- Did you all take

stupid pills this morning?

Have you forgotten what he did

to Buzz? And now you want to

let him back over here?

No! No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

You got it--

You got it all wrong,

Potato Head.

Buzz is fine. Buzz is

right here. He's with me.

- You are a liar!

- No, I'm not!

Buzz, come over here and j-just

tell the nice toys that you're--

that you're not dead.

Just a sec! Buzz, will you

get up here and give me a hand?

That's very funny, Buzz.

This is serious!

Hey, Woody, where'd ya go?

He's lying. Buzz ain't there.

Oh, hi, Buzz.

Why don't you say hello

to the guys over there?

Hiya, fellas!

To infinity and beyond!

Hey, look! It's Buzz!

Yeah! Hey, Buzz, let's show

the guys our new secret

best-friends handshake.

- Give me five, man!

- Something's screwy here.

So you see, we're friends now,

guys. Aren't we, Buzz?

You bet. Give me a hug.

- Oh, I love you too.

- See? It is Buzz.

- Now give back the lights,

Potato Head.

- Wait just a minute.

- What are you tryin' to pull?

- Nothin'.

- Oh, that is disgusting.

- Murderer!

- No! No, no, no, no, no!

- You murdering dog!

- It's not what you think,

I swear!

- Save it for the jury!

I hope Sid pulls

your voice box out, you creep.

No! No! No, no!

Don't leave! Don't leave!

Y-Ya gotta help us, please!

-You don't know

what it's like over here!

-Come on, let's get out of here.

Go back to your lives, citizens.

Show's over.

Come back! Slink!

Slink, please!

Please listen to me!

No! No, come back!

Slinky!

Buzz!

Go away, you disgusting freaks!

All right, back!

Back, you cannibals!

He is still alive and you're--

you're not gonna get him,

you monsters!

What are you doin'?

Hey. Hey, they fixed you.

But-- But they're cannibals. We

saw them eat those other toys.

Uh, sorry. I-I-I thought

that you were gonna,

you kn--

you know, eat my friend.

Hey, no, no. Hey. Hey!

What's wrong?

- Sid!

- Not now, Mom! I'm busy!

Sid!

Buzz, come on, get up!

Use your legs!

Fine! Let Sid trash you!

But don't blame me!

It came! It finally came!

"The Big One."

"Extremely dangerous.

Keep out of reach of children."

Cool! What am I gonna blow?

Man! Hey, where's that

wimpy cowboy doll?

Yes.

I've always wanted to put

a spaceman into orbit.

Yes.

Oh, no!

Oh, man!

Sid Phillips reporting.

Launch of the shuttle has been

delayed due to adverse weather

conditions at the launch site.

Tomorrow's forecast? Sunny.

Sweet dreams.

I looked everywhere, honey, but

all I could find was your hat.

W-What if we leave them behind?

Oh, don't worry, honey.

I'm sure we'll find Woody and

Buzz before we leave tomorrow.

- I need air.

- Will you quit moving around?

I'm sorry. It's just that

I get-- I get so nervous

before I travel.

How did I get stuck with you

as a moving buddy?

Everyone else was picked.

Oh, Woody.

If only you could see

how much Andy misses you.

Psst! Psst! Hey, Buzz!

Hey. Get over here

and see if you can get

this tool box off me.

Oh, come on, Buzz, I--

Buzz, I can't do this

without you.

I need your help.

I can't help.

I can't help anyone.

Why, sure you can, Buzz.

You can get me out of here.

And then I'll get

that rocket off you and we'll

make a break for Andy's house.

Andy's house, Sid's house.

What's the difference?

Oh, Buzz, you've had a big fall.

Y-You must not be thinking

clearly.

No, Woody, for the first time

I am thinking clearly.

You were right all along.

I'm not a Space Ranger.

I'm just a toy. A stupid

little insignificant toy.

Whoa. Hey. Wait a minute.

Being a toy is a lot better

than being a, a Space Ranger.

- Yeah, right.

- No, it is.

Look, over in that house

is a kid who thinks

you are the greatest,

and it's not because

you're a Space Ranger, pal.

It's because you're a toy.

You are his toy.

- But why would Andy want me?

- Why would Andy want you?

Look at you!

You're a Buzz Lightyear!

Any other toy would give up

his moving parts just to be you.

You've got wings!

You glow in the dark! You talk!

Your helmet does that--

that-- that "whoosh" thing.

You are a cool toy.

As a matter of fact,

you're too cool.

I mean-- I mean, what chance

does a toy like me have...

against a Buzz Lightyear

action figure?

All I can do is--

There's a snake in my boots!

Why would Andy ever want to

play with me when he's got you?

I'm the one that should be

strapped to that rocket.

Listen, Buzz, forget about me.

You should get out of here

while you can.

- Buzz, what are you doin'?

I thought you--

- Come on, Sheriff.

There's a kid over in that house

who needs us. Now let's get you

out of this thing.

- Hit it!

- Yes, sir!

Come on, Buzz, we can do it.

- Woody! It's the moving van!

- We gotta get out of here now.

Come on, Buzz.

All right.

- Buzz. Hey, I'm out!

- Almost there.

I wanna ride the pony.

Whew.

Woody. Woody, are you all right?

No, I'm fine. I'm okay.

Oh, yeah!

Time for liftoff! Whoo!

To infinity and beyond!

Whoo-hoo!

Back! Back!

Down! Down!

Okay, what do I do?

Come on, Woody, think.

Guys!

No, no, no, no, wait!

Wait. Listen. Please!

There's a good toy down there

and he's-- he's gonna be blown

to bits in a few minutes,

all because of me.

We gotta save him.

But I need your help.

Please. He's my friend.

He's the only one I've got.

Thank you.

Okay, I think I know

what to do.

We're going to have to break

a few rules, but if it works

it'll help everybody.

Houston to Mission Control.

Come in, Control.

Launchpad is being constructed.

All right, listen up.

I need Pump Boy here.

Ducky, here. Legs?

You're with Ducky.

RollerBob and I don't move

'til we get the signal. Clear?

Okay. Let's move!

Wind the frog!

Wait for the signal.

Go!

All right, let's go!

I'll get it!

Now!

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Whoa! Scud!

Stupid dog.

Lean back!

Uh, Mission Control,

is the launchpad

construction complete?

Uh, roger. Rocket is now

secured to guide wire.

We are currently obtaining

the ignition sticks.

- Countdown will commence

momentarily. Stand by.

- Let's go.

Hey, Mom!

Where are the matches?

- Oh, wait, here they are.

Never mind!

- Woody! Great!

- Help me out of this thing.

- Shh!

- What?

- It's okay.

Everything's under control.

- Woody, what are you doing ?

- Houston, all systems are go.

Requesting permission to launch.

Hey. How'd you get out here?

Oh, well. You and I

can have a cookout later.

Houston, do we have

permission to launch?

Uh, roger. Permission granted.

You are confirmed

at T-minus ten seconds...

and counting.

Ten, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three,

two, one--

Reach for the sky.

- Huh?

- This town ain't big enough

for the two of us.

What?

Somebody's poisoned

the water hole.

- It's busted.

- Who are you calling

"busted," buster?

- Huh?

- That's right.

- I'm talking to you,

Sid Phillips.

- Huh?

We don't like

bein' blown up, Sid.

- Or smashed. Or ripped apart.

- We?

That's right. Your toys.

Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama!

Mama!

From now on you must take

good care of your toys,

because if you don't,

we'll find out, Sid.

We toys can see everything.

So play nice.

We did it! We did it! Yes!

The toys! The toys are alive!

N-Nice toy.

What's wrong, Sid? Don't you

want to play with Sally?

Nice work, fellas. Good job.

Coming out of the ground--

what a touch.

That was a stroke of genius.

Woody.

Thanks.

Everybody say, "Bye, House!"

- Woody! The van!

- Bye, House.

We gotta run! Thanks, guys!

Quick!

Just go! I'll catch up!

Come on!

You can do it, Woody!

I made it.

Ow! Get away, you stupid dog!

Down! Down!

Hold on, Woody!

I can't do it.

Take care of Andy for me!

No!

Buzz!

- Ow!

- Are we there already?

- Woody?

- Woody!

- How did you--

- How'd he get here?

- Where have you--

What happened-- Ow!

- What's goin' on?

- What's the-- What's he takin'?

- Aha! There you are!

Hey, what's he doing?

He's at it again!

- Get him!

- Come on!

Get him!

Aah! Aah! No! No!

No, no, no, no, wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Pig pile!

- Get out of that car!

- Move it!

- Whew.

- No, please! You

don't understand!

Buzz is out there!

We gotta help him!

- Toss him overboard!

- No, no, no, no! Wait! Aaah!

- Hooray!

- So long, Woody!

- Ohh, Woody!

- Ohh!

- Oh! Well, thanks for the ride!

- Look out! Aaaah!

Now let's catch up

to that truck!

- Guys! Guys!

Woody's riding R.C.!

- What?

And Buzz is with him!

- Ohh!

- What? Buzz?

Itis Buzz!

Woody was telling the truth!

- What have we done?

- Great! Now I have guilt!

We're almost there!

- Rocky, the ramp!

- Come on, Woody, Buzz!

You can do it!

Look out!

Quick! Hold on to my tail!

Atta boy, Slink!

Uhh! Woody!

- Woody, speed up!

- Speed up!

The batteries!

They're running out!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa!

- Aaaah!

Hakuna Matata

What a wonderful phrase

I can't hold on much longer!

Slink, hang on!

Ouch!

Great.

- Woody! The rocket!

- The match!

Yes! Thank you, Sid!

No! No, no! No!

No!

Oh, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no!

No!

- Woody, what are you doing?

- Hold still, Buzz.

You did it! Next stop, Andy.

Wait a minute.

I just lit a rocket.

Rockets explode!

I should've held on longer.

Look! Look! It's Woody and Buzz

coming up fast!

Woody!

Run! Take cover!

Aah! This is the part

where we blow up!

Not today.

Hey, Buzz! You're flying!

This isn't flying.

This is falling with style.

To infinity and beyond!

Uh, Buzz, we missed the truck.

We're not aiming for the truck.

- Hey! Wow!

- What? What is it?

- Woody! Buzz!

- Oh, great! You found 'em.

Where were they?

- Here in the car!

- See?

Now, what did I tell you?

Right where you left 'em.

- Which one can I open first?

- Let's let Molly open one.

- Frankincense, this is Myrrh.

- Hey, heads up, everybody!

- It's show time!

- Oh! It's time!

Oh. Bo. There's gotta be a less

painful way to get my attention.

Merry Christmas, Sheriff.

- Say, isn't that mistletoe?

- Mm-hmm.

Maybe Andy'll get another

dinosaur, like a leaf eater.

That way I could play

the, uh, dominant predator!

- Quiet, everyone, quiet.

- Molly's first present is...

Mrs. Potato Head!

Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!

- Way to go, Idaho!

- Gee, I'd better shave.

Come in, Frankincense.

Andy is now opening

his first present. It's--

- Buzz. Buzz Lightyear.

- I can't quite--

- You are not worried, are you?

- Me? No.

- make out--

- No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Mm-mmm.

A large box.

It's, it's, it's--

- Are you?

- Oh, now, Buzz.

What could Andy possibly get

that is worse than you?

Oh, what is it? What is it?

Wow! A puppy!

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

When the road looks

rough ahead

And you're miles and miles

from your nice, warm bed

You just remember

what your old pal said

Boy, you've got a friend in me

Yeah, you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

If you got troubles

Then I got 'em too

There isn't anything

I wouldn't do for you

If we stick together

we can see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

Now, some other folks might be

a little bit smarter than I am

- Bigger and stronger too

- Maybe

But none of them will ever

love you the way I do

It's me and you, boy

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see

it's our destiny

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me