User blog:Charlie the Penguin/Club Penguin July 2014 Press Conference Transcript

The following was transcribed from Club Penguin's recent press conference in Kelwona, Canada.

Spike Hike: Hello everybody, thanks for coming. Me and my minion- I mean, fellow workers Polo Field and Megg... Megg... what's your last name, Megg?

Megg: Uh... Megg?

Spike Hike: Fair enough then. As I was saying, me and my fellow workers Polo Field and Megg Megg are here to talk about this month's party, the Music Jam 2014!

Silence

Spike Hike: Uh, I said, '''the MUSIC JAM 2014!!! '''

Silence

Spike Hike: Uh, This is where you applaud...

A few members of the audience  clap awkwardly

Spike Hike (sarcastically): Alright guys, settle down, please.

Polo Field: Come on everyone, get psyched! We haven't had a Disney Channel-independent Music Jam since 2011!

Megg: Uh... Polo?

Polo Field: What?

Megg: This party does have a Disney Channel tie-in...

Polo Field: Oh yeah... well, this party will still be fun!

Spike Hike: *facepalm* Look everyone, we do listen to our fans, and we know how you feel about Disney Channel-based mascots. Because of this, we instead will only have Club Penguin original charaters at the Music Jam. Cadence...

Crickets chirp

Spike Hike: ...and the Penguin Band!

Crickets chirp

Spike Hike: ...For real this time! They won't be sprites, they will be actual mascots!

Audience cheers

Spike Hike: Now there's the applause I was looking for! See, there will be Disney Channel-based characters, but only as meetable sprites, like at the Muppets World Tour!

Audience groans

Spike Hike: Oh come on, the Muppets World Tour wasn't that bad, was it?!

Megg: Even I can't pretend that I liked that party. There weren't enough peppermint stripes.

Spike Hike: Would you cut it with the peppermint stripes, Megg?!

Megg: But they're my trademark!

Spike Hike: Exactly. Now don't make me regret ever approving the Megg Takeover back in December, the last thing your ego needs is more inflation!

Megg: I don't have a big ego! *leans in towards microphone* Hey, that reminds me, who else thinks that I should be made into a mascot?

One-third of the audience cheers

Polo Field: Come on everyone, we have awesome guests at this party! Please welcome our special guests, Cole Plante...

Some of the audience claps

Polo Field: ...Zendaya...

More of the audience begins to clap

Polo Field: ...Sabraina Carpender...

Audiance cheers

Polo Field: ...and last but not least...

Male Audience Member #1: MILEY CYRUS!!

Drumroll

Polo Field: ...Violetta!

Awkward ten-second silence

Male Audience Member #2: Who the [we are experiencing technical difficulties] is that?!

Megg: This is Martina Stoessel, better known as Violetta from the Argentine Disney Channel soap opera of the same name!

Violetta: Pleasure to meet you.

Crickets begin to chirp again

Violetta: Tough crowd, I see.

Random Audience Member (Gender Unknown): What the heck does Argentine mean?

Cole Plante: Hey everyone, how are you today?

Female Audience Member: He's so dreamy!!

Megg: Hey, back off, he's mine!

Awkward silence

Megg: He's min... mi... my... Yes! He's my friend.

Sabrina Carpender: Hello, everybody! It's great to be here, and I'm honored to be July's featured artist on the Club Penguin blog!

Zendaya: Woah woah woah, how come Cole and Sabrina are featured? Why not me?

Polo Field: Well, we kind of gave you a lot of spotlight when you played as Rocky during the Ultimate Jam...

Zendaya: You think that they're better than me, don't you?

Random Male Audience Member #3: She's going to have been two different characters on Club Penguin?!

Violetta: What are you complaining about, Zen, I wasn't asked either.

Spike Hike: AND that was our special guests for the Music Jam 2014, Cole Plante, Sabrina Carpender, Violetta, and Zendaya!

Zendaya: Hey, you said my name last!

Plante, Carpender, Zendaya, and Violetta are led away by security

Megg: So... any questions?

Female Audience Member #2: Why is Martina Stowestal or whatever her name is playing Violetta and not herself?

Polo Field:  Well, we were considering having Martina Stoessel play herself, but we figured that people would have a better chance of recognizing her if she came to the party as Violetta.

Male Audience Member #4: Are you kidding me? Does Club Penguin even have any players from Argentina?

Female Audience Member #3: Violetta won't fit in at all! Zendaya is playing someone in that new Disney Channel movie, but she's not playing her character!

Spike Hike: Okay, does anyone have a question that isn't about Violetta?

Silence

Spike Hike: ...I didn't think so. Oh wait, you there in the back! What's your question?

Little Girl in the Audience: Is it true you're having a My Little Pony Takeover?

Spike Hike: OKAY, thank you everyone for coming to our conference! See you next month...! Or year...! Or never...

''Note: This is not to be taken seriously. I am sure the audience at Club Penguin's conferences isn't that hard to please, I doubt that Megg is really that self-centered in real life, Spike Hike isn't that mean, Polo Field is a thousand times smarter than that, and Zendaya is most likely not that rude. This is only meant to be funny, and I hope that I haven't offended anyone. Thanks for reading!''

-Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 22:49, July 3, 2014 (UTC)