User:TurtleShroom/Jesus

The following was originally written as a witness to another man, but I thought we all need some good Jesus time here. This is the story of how Jesus died on the Cross and rose again. I focus on the medical pain of Crucifixtion the most.

= Jesus =

You see, God loved us as His creation. However, the closest thing to saying "I'm sorry" to Him was killing a sheep or a cow once a year. God wanted more than that. He wanted Forgiveness, to truly forgive His creation.

Over the next thousands of millineums, God spoke to people such as Noah, Moses, Isaiah, ect., giving them promises and things to come. To Abraham, a great nation. To Jacob, many children. To David, he would be an incredible monarch. To Solomon, wisdom beyond compare. To Isaiah, about 300 prophecies recorded in his book and all over the Old Testament. Around what we call 3 AD, God decided it was Time. Fulfilling what he said to all of His people, he sent Jesus down to be the ultimate sacrifice. In thirty three years He Lived, and he preached for about three of those in recorded records.

At he end of His Life, He was captured, trialed on Death Row despite never even stealing food, convicted by an angry mob, spat upon, whipped horizontally with 39 lashes (forty would have cut His spine off), and had His temples torn by thorns woven to look like a crown (to mock Him).

AFTER that was done, they gave Him an eight to ten foot long Cross, of which weighed around fifty pounds of solid lumber, and they forced Jesus, already dying, to carry the thing several miles to and then UP a hill to Golgotha, Greek for Skull Road (or something along that name).

Along the way, God (in human form), toppled over three times, each time having the Cross fall ON Him. Eventually, he passed out due to blood loss (near coma), and the soldiers had another man carry it for Him. They dragged the collapsed Jesus and held Him up, taking three nails, thicker and longer than railroad spikes. They then slammed them through His wrists with sledgehammers, destroying the same vein that gothic-emo people cut to kill themselves. The third nail went through BOTH of His legs, through one muscle and out the other, and there He hung for about four hours, dying, near-coma, probably blind from all of the blood in His eyes. He had unfathomable pain in His whole body; His wrists, His legs, and His waist where he had been whipped until His spine was showing.

Jesus hung on that cross from 8:00 AM to Noon. For four hours, people mocked Him, His mother (Virgin Mary) crying the whole way through. Soldiers played Vegas for his clothes that were falling off because of the blood, while Jesus Himself just hung there in a semi coma.

Next to Jesus, to His left and right were two serious, hard core criminals. The Bible says they were robbers, probably robbers of human life (AKA serial killers). Both were being crucified, but they only had to have the nails. Unlike Jesus, they were not whipped, spit on, anything like that. They were in perfect health until the nails. Jesus was already near-dead when He was ON that cross.

The criminal on the left mocked Jesus. He said, heavilly paraphrased: "if you are REALLY God, get off that cross and PWN those evil people". Jesus didn't, though, that would have violated God's plan.

The criminal on the right had other thoughts. He had a quick conversation with God's Son. It was hard to talk when bleeding to death on a cross, so they couldn't say much.

The robber asked Jesus: "are you really God's Son?"

Jesus told him: "Yes."

The robber, realizing that Jesus was telling the truth (would you have been crucified for a lie?), believed Him and told Him: "In Heaven, remember me."

Jesus, knowing that the robber meant what he said, and knowing that the robber actually thought Jesus WAS God's Son (he was right, might I add), smiled and responded: "Friend, when you die, you will be with Me in paridise." In other words, because that robebr believed, he was going to Heaven.

Now, get this:

As the sacrifice of the world, he thus had to die like the cows killed yearly, and since he was a sacrifice, he died to eradicate sin. God hates sin, he can't stand sin, refuses to look at sin. Since Jesus was dying to cleanse sins, God had to look away, because God can't look at sacrifices.

Jesus loved God, He talked to God in Heaven, praying all the time. Jesus is God's Son. Since He is a PART of God, that would make God His literal, biological Father.

Now, if you were dying, and your father (or mother even) refused to see your final moments, refused to say goodbye, wouldn't that be terrible? Jesus had to face that.

As if dying wasn't enough, God wasn't looking to say good bye when Jesus was about to die. So, Jesus, in misery, cried out: "My God, why have you forsaken (AKA ignored/did not look at) me?!"

So, Jesus was alone. His mother, Mary, had left (mommas can only take so much), God Himself could not say goodbye, and the crowd got bored (seriously, they were that sick that they got BORED). There He rotted on that cross. Soldiers stood there to make sure Jesus didn't actually rot OFF the cross due to gangrene.

If Jesus COULD cry, He did. He was attacked in every possible way. He lost His dignity, had great pain, emotional misery, brain damage (blood loss), near-coma, everything that could do something bad to a man had been done.

At the last minute, Jesus turned to a soldier. He barely muttered to him that He was thirsty. The soldier, seeing one last chance to mock Jesus, put vineger on a sponge and gave it to Him. He cringed and spat it out. His body could take no more. Just before He blacked out in absolute and full coma (brain dead), Jesus looked up to Heaven. Taking one last breath, he screamed with all his might: "IT IS FINISHED!"

It was Noon. Jesus was dead.

Hours later, the soldiers who had left came back. Since they didn't want dying bodies hanging around, they decided to break the bones of the two robbers (who were still alive at that time). When they came to Jesus, they noticed he was already dead.

Not wanting to take any chances (they had heard rumors of Him rising again and did not want him getting off the Cross and pretending to be resurected), a soldier took a HUGE spear, a javelin so to speak, and stapped him up his right hid, into his stomach and back out.

"Yep, He's dead."

A kind rich man had a grave that was unused. Since the rich guy didn't need it, he donated it to the now-dead Jesus. By now, Jesus' body probably fell apart (like chunks of body, lower waist, gusts, ect.), so they TOSSED the pieces into the tomb. tehy didn't "lay" them, they tossed them. They wanted to get their hands off His guts as soon as posible.

They took a boulder, a REALLY big stone, and dug a hole in front of the enterence to the tomb. Twelve men and a few machines rolled that thing into the hole, and they buried its base in dirt. It would take hundreds of people to get that thing back out. The people who killed Him thought that was the end of Jesus.

However, they had their doubts. Still fearing he would pretend to ressurect Himself, or that His followers would steal His body, they placed two heavilly armed, high ranking Roman soldiers to stand in front of the tomb.

Three days later, counting Friday, two women came down to leave spices for Jesus, on a Sunday.

As the approached the tomb, they noticed that that rock was moved sevral feet over, that the soldiers were passed out, and that there was not any blood or guts on the floor. Rushing over, thinking His body was stolen, they ran into the tomb. An Angel was in there, and he was all like: "What are you doing here? Jesus is not here. He has Risen, just as he said He would."

So the women screamed like they just met the Jonas Brothers and ran off to tell Jesus' followers.

On the way there, they saw a muscular guy standing near some plants. Deciding to tell him the news too, the ladies talked to him, thinking he was the gardener tending some plants or things like that.

However, one of the ladies recognized something... "ZOMG ZOMG OH WOW YOU'RE JESUS YOU'VE RISEN OH GOSH WOW OH WOW LET ME HUG YOU!"

Realizing they were talking to Jesus, funlly healed, the women ran to hug Him.

Jesus saw it coming and said: "STOP! Do not embrace (hug) me. You don't have time, go and tell my followers!"

They ran off. Jesus had risen!

Over the next forty days, the ressurected Jesus appeared to hundreds upon hundreds of people, such as Paul (the founder of the Christian Church), his twelve Diciples, and other annonymous people never listed by name.

Jesus had Risen. He died to eradicate sin, but He came back.

Forty days later, He was at a mountain with His diciples.

It was there that He told them: "Okay. I'm leaving back to Heaven to prepare a place for all who believe in Me."

The diciples responded: "Wait, You're LEAVING?! ...who will guide us when You're gone?

Jesus told them: "Don't worry, I'll send the Holy Spirit (AKA the conscience) to guide you. Also, I myself will be coming back in the same way you will see me go."

With that, saying His final goodbyes to His diciples, Jesus flew off the ground, out of the atmosphere, and to the Heavenly realm. The diciples saw Him until clouds covered their view. They just stood there, staring at the sky, mouth agape.

Eventually, one Diciple told the others: "Well, what are we waiting for? He is Risen! LET'S GO TEL LEVERYONE!"

...and that is what you SHOULD be worshipping.

Jesus died for you, in a coma, bleeding, on a cross, after being whipped and spat on. He Rose again and now welcomes anyone who believes Him.

-- † कछुए मशरूम! Jesus Loves You and Died for You!! †    :)  :) DON'T YOU DARE QUIT BECAUSE OF WHAT I JUST TYPED!!!!!!!! † 20:56, 20 April 2009 (UTC)